Whishes

I wish I was special, I wish I was someone to you, I wish this glass was full of whiskey not water.
I wish I could take back all I did wrong; I could make you feel safe.
Now I’m just sitting here thinking, thinking of you. We were in a crowded place, you smiled, you laughed at my jokes, the place was bright and noisy, yet all I could hear was your voice, all I saw were you eyes, shining, I remember myself reflected in your eyes. Nothing could get me out of there, because there wasn’t anything else besides you and me.
I wish I was stronger, I had the courage to stand for me as id fight for you. I wish I had some kind of vice so I could be smoking while I write, I would look more professional I guess, I would impress you.
This is not all about me, but I really wish the here-and-now was different. I should be studying, not writing because I will not be a writer, I don’t have what it takes to leave everything and start off again. I wish I could socialize, get in there, talk to people, make my stuff get known. I would write and photograph as I do.
You should be gone by now, I don’t want to drag you down and I feel I’m keeping you here. We should leave, this is not where we belong, this place right now is not where I would be.
Its hard for me to make sense, the ideas come and go inside my head but as I write they lose strength. I’m still human, jealousy and envy burn inside me, I wish my gift was greater, my essays were shorter and stronger and I would affect people the way music affects me.
Now you don’t feel as I do, neither want to.
If there was a way to get things going, to stop time and keep moving. Today I’m not sad, not as sad as I’ll be tomorrow, and it’s even worse because I can’t figure out how you feel, how you’ll feel. Do me a favor and don’t you forget me, miss me. Cuz I will when you be gone. Think of how we went through the days and no clock would mean a thing. I’ll remember how the distance threatened us and we kept fighting.
Give me a sign, how much is it worth it to stand here, walk this thin line not knowing what’s at the end of the road, tell me you’d wait for me, lie to me, say I make you happy. There will you be, standing alone by the road, promise me you’ll hug me I’ll barely be able to breathe but it won’t matter, not if I can breathe through you. You know its never easy to let someone go, we all are so afraid of losing a heart, cuz its not ours the one that matters, it’s the one we hold on to, the one that can not be lost, the one that will be missed the most.
Now please leave, there’s nothing here for you, there’s a world out there waiting for you, don’t let it eat you alive, get it to amuse you, see the things through different eyes, they’ll amaze you for sure as I wish I’d amaze you. Now be gone and don’t come back my beautiful girl, because you know I wouldn’t stand being around you and not all over you, shut the door when you leave... you know where the spare key’ll be…